Managing Relationships

Disclaimer: I am not a relationship expert, so please seek help from a professional if you need it. 

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When I refer to the term relationship it can pertain to romantic relationships, friendships, family, or even a relationship with yourself. Getting older, going through dramatic changes, moving, etc. can all contribute to who we decide to keep in our lives and who we decide to let go. I am the type of person who loves to make friends and meet new people, so I often struggle with balancing relationships, school, work, and everything else going on in my life. Luckily for me I have so many people who make the struggle worth it. Also luckily for me, all of the individuals and relationships I have made taught me a lot about who I am and who I want to surround myself with. 

I’d like to start by saying that if you are in your 20 somethings or going to school, this is your time to be selfish (to an extent). I had a difficult time learning and accepting this. These years are spent making a lot of adjustments and sacrifices, so focusing on yourself should be a priority in your life. It is important to understand that everyone is probably going through it, and in turn we should accept that everyone is trying to figure out who they are. 

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With this being said, I do not believe it is necessary to always and consistently keep in close contact with your friends. We are busy! We are going through it! You shouldn’t feel the need to text or call someone every single day if it’s going to be a burden, and the real ones will understand this. I’m definitely not saying that you should ignore your friends, but if you have too much going on in your life or really just don’t feel like talking to someone, then please just do what’s best for you. I sometimes go weeks or even months with not talking to some of my closest friends, but we can pick things back up right where we left off.

If you really want to see or talk to someone, then do it. If that person isn’t giving the same effort back to you, bye felicia. Go where your energy is reciprocated. Do not waste time on people who are not doing the same for you. No matter how much you may like, care for, or love this person, it is not worth it. You will save a lot of time, money, and heartbreak by holding on to those who hold on to you. And if you have an off or bad feeling about someone in your life, then that feeling is probably right. Get rid of them. Sometimes people grow apart. No matter how close you thought you were to someone, you don’t have to hold on if it is getting too hard for the both of you. Always stay true to who you are. You don’t have to be a friend to everyone but always spread kindness and positivity. 

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Spend time with those who bring out the best in you. I have found that I have different people in my life that bring out different moods and energies in myself. It is OK to have people that serve different purposes in your life. Find people who you can always be yourself around. I have friends that I’ve known for four years that know more about me than friends I’ve known for 17 years. While I have grown to trust everyone in my life (which is very important), I am a very closed person, so being open about my personal experiences is crucial when I think about those who are closest to me. 

Listen. Listen deeply. There are people who will sit there and listen with their ears, and then there are people who will also listen with their hearts. People who will want to feel what you are feeling, even if they can’t. People who express empathy. People who will want to give advice, even if it is something they know nothing about. Be this person and surround yourself with people you can confide in. These are the good ones. 

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Lastly, sometimes we have to go through something. Even if everything and everyone in your life is telling you not to do it, you’re still probably going to do it. And that is OK. I remember when I went through my first real heartbreak; this is when I learned, ladies and gentlemen, that your mom is ALWAYS right. If you don’t listen to me or your friends, please listen to your mom, or the closest thing you have to a mom. You can even listen to my mom if you want. She’s always right. My mother told me over and over again that things will not end well in this relationship, but I didn’t listen. Even though she was right, I think that it was something that I needed to go through and an emotion that I needed to feel. And honestly going through this time in my life was when I learned the most about the people who were there for me and who will always be there.

Fred Armisen Love GIF by IFC

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